Thursday, June 17, 2004
Fakin' 2: Electric Boogaloo
So if pro wrestling is so damn fake, how do you explain the following:
March 17, 1994, Munich, Germany: Professional wrestler Mick Foley (at the time, known as "Cactus Jack") became entangled in the ropes during a match with Big Van Vader, and, in the process of trying to free himself, lost his right ear. Let me repeat that: HIS RIGHT EAR WAS TORN FROM HIS HEAD. He would continue to wrestle the entire remainder of the match. Backstage, before getting in an ambulance, he tracked down a photographer to take pictures of the aftermath in the event they could use the photos in his feud against Vader.
Sunday, May 5, 2002: The Los Angeles Lakers' Shaquille O'Neal cut his index finger in the third quarter of a playoff game and had to leave the game to get 3 stitches.
Monday, May 21, 2001: Live on Monday Night Raw, a World Tag Team Championship match took place between the defending champs "Stone Cold" Steve Austin and Triple H, and the challengers Chris Jericho and Chris Benoit. Midway through the match, Triple H jumped into the ring and planted his foot awkwardly, completely tearing his quadricep muscle in half. He proceeded to wrestle the rest of the match, which included getting back out of the ring, climbing up unto the announcers' table and allowing himself (while still on the table) to be placed in a move called "The Walls of Jericho." Without going into too much detail, that particular move involves having your legs grabbed and wrenched violently around. If you can remember all the way back to 2 sentences ago, he had just torn his quad. I'm no doctor (I just play one on TV), but I'm pretty sure the man should have been in a hospital, not allowing himself to be turned into a human pretzel. Oh yeah, after that, he climbed back up into the ring for the conclusion of the match.
I don't think you need a road map to see the point I'm trying to make here. And these guys do what they do night after night, year after year, for a tiny fraction of what Shaq makes. Of course, they shouldn't get paid Shaq money because everything they do is fake, right?
March 17, 1994, Munich, Germany: Professional wrestler Mick Foley (at the time, known as "Cactus Jack") became entangled in the ropes during a match with Big Van Vader, and, in the process of trying to free himself, lost his right ear. Let me repeat that: HIS RIGHT EAR WAS TORN FROM HIS HEAD. He would continue to wrestle the entire remainder of the match. Backstage, before getting in an ambulance, he tracked down a photographer to take pictures of the aftermath in the event they could use the photos in his feud against Vader.
Sunday, May 5, 2002: The Los Angeles Lakers' Shaquille O'Neal cut his index finger in the third quarter of a playoff game and had to leave the game to get 3 stitches.
Monday, May 21, 2001: Live on Monday Night Raw, a World Tag Team Championship match took place between the defending champs "Stone Cold" Steve Austin and Triple H, and the challengers Chris Jericho and Chris Benoit. Midway through the match, Triple H jumped into the ring and planted his foot awkwardly, completely tearing his quadricep muscle in half. He proceeded to wrestle the rest of the match, which included getting back out of the ring, climbing up unto the announcers' table and allowing himself (while still on the table) to be placed in a move called "The Walls of Jericho." Without going into too much detail, that particular move involves having your legs grabbed and wrenched violently around. If you can remember all the way back to 2 sentences ago, he had just torn his quad. I'm no doctor (I just play one on TV), but I'm pretty sure the man should have been in a hospital, not allowing himself to be turned into a human pretzel. Oh yeah, after that, he climbed back up into the ring for the conclusion of the match.
I don't think you need a road map to see the point I'm trying to make here. And these guys do what they do night after night, year after year, for a tiny fraction of what Shaq makes. Of course, they shouldn't get paid Shaq money because everything they do is fake, right?
