Monday, July 26, 2004
The Hole Truth
I love bagels. Manhattan Bagel makes the best bagels. But somebody really needs to teach these people how to properly butter a bagel. And I'm not just talking about Manhattan Bagel; Dunkin Donuts regularly screws up the buttering process as well.
You see, when I eat a bagel I separate the two halves and eat them individually. Bottom half first, then the top half, because that's where all the poppy seeds are. But somehow it has become part of the standard training process to only butter one side of the bagel, the assumption being that every person on the planet eats their bagels as one big piece, like a sandwich. I can't believe that I'm the only person out of billions that eats his bagel halves separately. If I'm tired or not paying attention, only one half gets buttered and I'm left to rub the two halves together like a moron trying to get some on the dry half.
Also, here's an apparently little-known fact: bagels have a hole in the middle. It's true, take a look next time you see one. I'm assuming this must not be common knowledge, because the people who butter my bagels don't seem aware of it. Because of the hole, you should butter a bagel in a circular motion, spreading the butter around the circumference of the bagel while avoiding the hole. Most bagel shop employees, however, just slap it on there and go straight across from left to right. It doesn't take a physics degree to tell you that halfway across you will lose most of the butter in that hole. Usually I'm able to take that extra butter that's lodged into the hole and spread it onto the dry side, so everything works out in the end.
You see, when I eat a bagel I separate the two halves and eat them individually. Bottom half first, then the top half, because that's where all the poppy seeds are. But somehow it has become part of the standard training process to only butter one side of the bagel, the assumption being that every person on the planet eats their bagels as one big piece, like a sandwich. I can't believe that I'm the only person out of billions that eats his bagel halves separately. If I'm tired or not paying attention, only one half gets buttered and I'm left to rub the two halves together like a moron trying to get some on the dry half.
Also, here's an apparently little-known fact: bagels have a hole in the middle. It's true, take a look next time you see one. I'm assuming this must not be common knowledge, because the people who butter my bagels don't seem aware of it. Because of the hole, you should butter a bagel in a circular motion, spreading the butter around the circumference of the bagel while avoiding the hole. Most bagel shop employees, however, just slap it on there and go straight across from left to right. It doesn't take a physics degree to tell you that halfway across you will lose most of the butter in that hole. Usually I'm able to take that extra butter that's lodged into the hole and spread it onto the dry side, so everything works out in the end.
