Friday, August 13, 2004
Summertime Blues
The 2004 Summer Olympics start tonight on NBC. Oh, wait a second. I don't care. However, this Sunday on Pay-Per-View WWE presents SummerSlam. That's right, it's time once again for people who hate wrestling to get out now while there's still time. For the rest of you, here's my thoughts:
WORLD CHAMPIONSHIP: Chris Benoit vs. Randy Orton. I think they may actually put the belt on Orton. Benoit's been champ about 5 months now, which is quite a while nowadays. Randy's certainly got the skills and the look, and the crowd really responds to him. I'm still hoping they'll stick a cast on his arm for 3 years just like his dad.
WWE CHAMPIONSHIP: The Undertaker vs. JBL. As much as I hate Bradshaw, I don't really think Taker needs the belt at this stage in his career. They'll let JBL beat Taker just so people hate him more. Remember: the more people hate someone, the more likely they are to pay money to see him get his ass beat.
Eddie Guerrero vs. Kurt Angle: Angle, to revenge his loss at WMXX. Also because they'll want to get more mileage out of this feud.
INTERCONTINENTAL CHAMPIONSHIP: Triple Threat Match-Edge vs. Chris Jericho vs. Batista. I think Edge is getting ready to turn heel and have a long feud with Jericho. I don't think the IC belt will be a part of that, however, leaving Batista to take it on Sunday. Batista has been impressive in recent months, and his game has definitely stepped up (hard not to, hanging around with HHH and Ric Flair). Time to see if he can carry a title.
Matt Hardy vs. Kane, with Lita marrying the winner. I can't even believe this is happening. I see Lita turning heel and siding with Kane, costing Matt the match. Afterwards, Kane will continue to be a big presence on RAW every week while Matt is wasted on Heat wrestling Stevie Richards for eternity.
Eugene vs. HHH. I can't believe the Eugene character has lasted this long. If there is a god, HHH is going to destroy Eugene, and that match on Heat will become a tag match with Eugene and Matt taking on Stevie and Val Venis.
U.S. CHAMPIONSHIP (#1 of a best of five series): John Cena vs. Booker T. Cena will take this match, but end up losing the series.
Rey Mysterio, Billy Kidman, and Paul London vs. The Dudley Boyz: The Dudleys win, because Paul London will be too busy pinching himself and wondering aloud "Am I really on a PPV? They never even let me come to the building before!"
Diva Dodgeball: Just like Alien vs. Predator, no matter who wins, we lose. Because while this nonsense is taking place, talent like Rob Van Dam, Rene Dupree, Rhyno, Tajiri, and La Resistance are sitting in the back for the night. Why is the World Tag Team championship not being defended tonight? Shameful. All of the so-called Divas in this talent search may look good in bikinis, but have absolutely no screen presence or charisma. Shameful.
WORLD CHAMPIONSHIP: Chris Benoit vs. Randy Orton. I think they may actually put the belt on Orton. Benoit's been champ about 5 months now, which is quite a while nowadays. Randy's certainly got the skills and the look, and the crowd really responds to him. I'm still hoping they'll stick a cast on his arm for 3 years just like his dad.
WWE CHAMPIONSHIP: The Undertaker vs. JBL. As much as I hate Bradshaw, I don't really think Taker needs the belt at this stage in his career. They'll let JBL beat Taker just so people hate him more. Remember: the more people hate someone, the more likely they are to pay money to see him get his ass beat.
Eddie Guerrero vs. Kurt Angle: Angle, to revenge his loss at WMXX. Also because they'll want to get more mileage out of this feud.
INTERCONTINENTAL CHAMPIONSHIP: Triple Threat Match-Edge vs. Chris Jericho vs. Batista. I think Edge is getting ready to turn heel and have a long feud with Jericho. I don't think the IC belt will be a part of that, however, leaving Batista to take it on Sunday. Batista has been impressive in recent months, and his game has definitely stepped up (hard not to, hanging around with HHH and Ric Flair). Time to see if he can carry a title.
Matt Hardy vs. Kane, with Lita marrying the winner. I can't even believe this is happening. I see Lita turning heel and siding with Kane, costing Matt the match. Afterwards, Kane will continue to be a big presence on RAW every week while Matt is wasted on Heat wrestling Stevie Richards for eternity.
Eugene vs. HHH. I can't believe the Eugene character has lasted this long. If there is a god, HHH is going to destroy Eugene, and that match on Heat will become a tag match with Eugene and Matt taking on Stevie and Val Venis.
U.S. CHAMPIONSHIP (#1 of a best of five series): John Cena vs. Booker T. Cena will take this match, but end up losing the series.
Rey Mysterio, Billy Kidman, and Paul London vs. The Dudley Boyz: The Dudleys win, because Paul London will be too busy pinching himself and wondering aloud "Am I really on a PPV? They never even let me come to the building before!"
Diva Dodgeball: Just like Alien vs. Predator, no matter who wins, we lose. Because while this nonsense is taking place, talent like Rob Van Dam, Rene Dupree, Rhyno, Tajiri, and La Resistance are sitting in the back for the night. Why is the World Tag Team championship not being defended tonight? Shameful. All of the so-called Divas in this talent search may look good in bikinis, but have absolutely no screen presence or charisma. Shameful.
