The Shallow End of the Pool

This Sunday, WWE Smackdown! is holding their annual "No Way Out" PPV. Since re-starting this blog earlier this week, I have decided to go back to running my predictions here, because it saves me from having to think of something else to write about.

One note before I begin: This PPV looks really, REALLY weak on paper. Running PPVs as often as they do is leading to some real rush jobs, leaving the fans with no emotional investment in the matches. Note to Vince McMahon: If you expect people to pay $34.95 16 times a year (that's right, they do 16 of these things annually) for your product, you just have to give them something to be excited about.

WWE CHAMPIONSHIP in a BARBED WIRE STEEL CAGE: JBL vs. THE BIG SHOW
Hats off to JBL, who has held the belt for about 10 months straight now, which in this day and age is an eternity. Originally thought of as a joke champion who wouldn't last long, he has done a credible job of making the belt look important as he has fended off all top contenders and left the fans salivating for the day when he will get his come-uppance. That day will not be Sunday, however. Kudos to the WWE for putting these two in a barbed wire steel cage, as neither of these two lumbering behemoths will put on much of a technical wrestling showcase. A steel cage is a good environment for them to put on a fairly entertaining bout. JBL will win, setting him up to lose the big one next month at WrestleMania 21. And his opponent (and next WWE Champion) will be the winner of....

KURT ANGLE vs. JOHN CENA
Cena is like a runaway freight train right now, with tons of momentum behind him. This match is a lock for him, especially considering the fact that it's already been confirmed that Angle will be facing Shawn Michaels at WM. In fact, I wouldn't be surprised to see HBK show up tomorrow and cost Angle this match, much like Angle cost him the Rumble last month.

THE UNDERTAKER vs. LUTHER REIGNS
Did you know Luther Reigns (legitimately, not just for TV purposes) once had his throat slit from ear to ear? No? HOW THE HELL COULD YOU NOT, HE ONLY SPOUTS OFF ABOUT 5 TIMES EVERY WEEK ON SMACKDOWN!!! We all get it, Luther. You're a badass. Too bad you will be the latest in a long line of mid-card talent who will be buried by the rapidly aging Undertaker. I have nothing but respect for 'Taker, but it's really past time for him to be used in a role where he is putting over some rising talent. A young guy with tons of potential could start a nice career with some wins over Undertaker. It just won't be Luther.

WWE TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIP: THE BASHAM BROTHERS vs. EDDIE GUERRERO and REY MYSTERIO
This match nicely proves my earlier point about having no emotional investment in the matches. This was only announced this past Thursday (3 days before the PPV), and Rey and Eddie have virtually no experience as a team. This also illustrates nicely the dire tag team situation in WWE right now. Look for the Bashams to retain.

6-MAN CRUISERWEIGHT ELIMINATION CHAMPIONSHIP
Funaki defends his title against Paul London, Spike, Akio, Shannon Moore, and Chavo Guerrero. If they let these guys go at it for a decent amount of time (and they should, considering only 5 matches have been announced) this will be the highlight of the evening. This could go a few different ways, but Funaki will probably keep his belt. I wouldn't have a problem with Paul London winning it, though.

There's also some sort of Diva contest going on, but I won't even dignify it by discussing it here. A bunch of nameless faceless bimbos with no evident charisma is not why I watch wrestling. Wrestling fans everywhere should be insulted by this. I know I am.